just gotta keep at it..

so lately i've been feeling pretty good about myself.. i started my therepy sessions and it seems to be helping....  although there are still some times where i feel isolated and alone but i'm trying to occupy my time.. i haven't gone out anywhere in a really long time or seen my friends other then at wrk and my friends that i don't c that often i really wish i could c... i'm hoping that changes in the summer since the weather is getting nicer.. josh has decided to start his stupid fucking shit again with me.... keep in mind i DON'T talk to him at all but i assumed we were on good terms until i noticed i was gone from his facebook and then he wrote me a message calling me a bitch and lots of other pleasent names.... u no wat though?  it did bum me out but fuck him in all honesty FUCK HIM i have no room inmy life for people that r gunna upset me and make me sad.... moving on taking a break from the dating seen since i seem to meet the crazies.. i've decided that this summer i'm going to focus on having fun with my friends and trying to keep myself positive....    the constant txting and phone calls i do get when i am stuck at home really helps ease my loneliness so thank you to those who have been keeping my spirits up:)  i was thinking this summer when i go to california.. i would love to stop by Alyssas grave and pay my respects to her.. i don't know how far redding is from north hollywood but u know what i think i would mke that trip for her.. i think it would help ease my sense of loss. her death just hit me really really hard & i still find myself missing her as much as i did when i found out we lost her..:(  i think of her often & sometimes i find myself txting her phone before realization hits me and it hits me like a ton of bricks...it never gets any easier & ive lost a lot of friends...........feels like its harder and harder with each one......  i really think it would help if i want there and placed a letter or some flowers or something....
 not a bad idea right?

update on everyones favorite cripple

so as some of you may or may not know i battle with depression... i guess i always have.  anyone its gotten to the point where i have to start cing my shrink again and i have my first appointment tomorrow as a matter of fact... i have a lot of things that i keep bottled up inside me & at times can get very moody to those who try and help me....  i find lately i can't really get a grip on my emotions.  i could be a little bi polar to not even so sure... i just feel my emotions to the most extreme possible especially when it comes to sadness..  i can be sad fordays ata time and it may take awhile for me to get out of it.  i know seeing her tomorrow will help release some of my bottled up feelings...  spring is here and i'm gunna try to keep myself in a happier state of mind(the nice weather helps with that as well)  i have lots to look fwd to including my trip to los angeles i take just about every year.. should be doing that around july sometime... i also tun 30this summer so i want to plan a huge party with that... :) dating?  just not interesdted anymore... i know it sounds silly but to me it seems to become a very stressful thing for me... as long as i have my friends and family thats all i really want at this moment...:)  i want this to be a stressfree summer for me wuith no more room for sadness.. i hope it will happen...