so once again.. i am being fucked over again in the love department. that date with that douche never happened.. do u wanna fucking know y? cuz he stood me up twice... both times never calling to tell where he was.. just a phone that kept constantly ringing.... as well as not answering my txts.. i mean wtf man everytime i seem to put myself out there or try to open my heart to prehaps let someone in i get fucked ovedr & hurt. to be honest it makes me feel like complete shit... wtf is wrong wioth me??? do i honestly have a fucking sign on my head that sayts stupid bitch on it.. i mst cuz to be honest i feel like a fucking fool... imagine my horor when i found out i was just a stupid fucking bet between him and his friends.... thats right..... i bet.. i know i am so worth so much more then that.... but it hurts and honestly this has started my depression again... idk.. i just feel so fucking worthless & unwanted.. and whose t o say if i will ever put my trust in anyone who shows an interst in me again? i mean how can i be so sure they won't do se stupid shit like he did you know? i mean i'm so thankful for my friends cuz they are nothing short of amazing.. and in that respect i am blessed truely.
But... WHAT ABOUT LOVE? & WHEN WILL I FIND THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE WHO IS WILLING TO LOVE THE PERSON MY FRIENDS & FAMILY LOVE? I'm starting to think its just not even out there for me anymore.... it sucks & i'm just about to give up.. i feel like i live me life in so much isolation and barely anyone understands my emotions.... i feel so fucking lost.... yea i put on this smile sometime but on the inside and mentally i'm all sorts of insecure among other things.......................just hope theres a way to better my feelings & to allow myself to heal... :(
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